<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>To Share the Pain by typewrittencurlie</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24510850">To Share the Pain</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/typewrittencurlie/pseuds/typewrittencurlie'>typewrittencurlie</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Patchwork Hearts [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexual Castiel (Supernatural), Asexual Relationship, Broken Castiel (Supernatural), Castiel Has Issues (Supernatural), Castiel Has PTSD (Supernatural), Castiel Has Self-Worth Issues (Supernatural), Castiel Just Wants To Be Loved (Supernatural), Castiel Needs Help (Supernatural), Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Castiel is Loved (Supernatural), Castiel is Not Okay (Supernatural), Castiel-centric (Supernatural), Dean Winchester Has Panic Attacks, Depression, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eventual Happy Ending, Everyone Is Gay, Everyone Needs A Hug, Homoromantic Dean Winchester, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Michael is Castiel's Parent (Supernatural), Minor Charlie Bradbury/Jo Harvelle, Panic Attacks, Protective Michael, Punk Castiel (Supernatural), Self-Hatred, Unhealthy Relationships</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 07:08:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,462</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24510850</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/typewrittencurlie/pseuds/typewrittencurlie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Also known as : Dean Winchester and The Impossible Quest to Put his Castiel Back Together.</p><p>In short, Castiel is definitely not okay, and it's  Dean's turn to fix his lover. </p><p>One month after Family Don't End in Blood.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel &amp; Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Minor or Background Relationship(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Patchwork Hearts [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1754917</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Highschool Hell.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey! Thanks for reading this fic, and I hope you enjoy all the teen Destiel feels!</p><p>Gets really angsty, by the way, but I regret nothing....</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Highschool.</p><p>Specifically, a conservative as fuck, lower middle class highschool in Center of Fucking <em>Nowhere,</em> South Dakota.</p><p>In other words, the absolute last place a PTSD-ridden, homoromantic, mildly liberal, and proudly in love with his housemate, also self-conscious as fuck, but let's not start on that shit show... </p><p>The last place <em>Dean Winchester</em> would want to be.  </p><p>He lovingly kissed his Cas, before he walked in to the homeroom he had been assigned, and took a seat. The stares followed him. Those... those he could have handled. If there wasn't an undercurrent of malicious whispering to go along with them.</p><p>Dean took deep, cleansing breaths, and focused on his counting the ticks on the clock, narrowly avoiding another panic attack. It would have been the second one that day, and the fifth that week...</p><p>And it was only Tuesday.</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>Dean had no rhyme or reason to the sudden onslaught of anxiety he faced down on a daily basis. Cas said it might be that he was comfortable enough to allow it. Bobby said he was expecting another disaster. Sam thought it had no cause. Any way you slice it, the bottom line was still that Dean was fucking mental.</p><p>Oh well, at least his dad wasn't trying to contact him or Sammy.</p><p>And Cas was a godsend. He could get him calm in a matter of minutes, even if they were in the middle of a fight.  </p><p>Those never lasted long, ever since they made the pact to never go to bed angry. And that led to them getting better at fighting, more accepting of the things they disagreed on, and all around, closer as a couple.</p><p>Dean knew that there would be snags, that it wouldn't be some picture perfect, apple pie life, but what it was... It was the best thing that ever happened to him.</p><p>So Dean could handle the situation with the other kids. Because at the end of the day, he had his Cas.</p>
<hr/><p>Castiel absentmindedly doodled in his biology notebook, while Planet Earth played in the background. Cas tried not to listen to the muttering of his classmates, but it was hard.</p><p>He knew that he was... Scary looking, to say the least, what with all of the tattoos and piercings, and the patch of his hair that had lost almost all of its color after his dad tried to kill him. Dean thought his random white patch was an odd little quirk.</p><p>He didn't have the heart to correct him.</p><p>Dean <em>needed </em>to think he had it all together, needed a rock to lean on. Cas had vowed to be his port in the storm, no matter what his own problems were at the moment. No matter how often Castiel would suffer from an insistent low-grade headache, he would push through the pain, because Dean was in the middle of a panic attack.</p><p>He loved Dean with everything he was, every fiber of his soul. Dean's voice when he laughed made his heart sing. His smiles were sunbeams in the darkness of Cas' mind.</p><p>So he would keep pushing. Keep fighting who he had been before he'd met Dean, and wait for the sun to come back from behind the clouds. It shined brighter now, but his former self and his demons fought all the harder.</p><p>Such was life.</p><p>Cas traced his tattoos idly, keeping himself calm as the movie was going on about how great even fucking  <em>lions</em> were as parents. Chuck Novak was worse than a lion, an <em>animal, </em>at being a parent.</p><p>He forced the inner turmoil into a tiny cage in his mind, separating the darkness from his everyday life. He cracked a small smile, and told Dean how beautiful he found the scattering of freckles across his cheeks. Even when all he wanted to do was collapse in his arms and for Dean to soothe the pain.</p><p>Dean deserved so much more than Cas could give. Cas was always going to try his hardest, but it will never be the life Dean could have with someone better than Cas. And he would gladly take a simple friendship, while he waited for a miracle.</p><p>Or for his own messy demise, an end he promised Mike his own hand would have no part in. It had clearly been too long since he'd talked to his older brother, judging by the slow spiral into depression he was having. Mike could snap him out of his black mood, quickly and efficiently. </p><p>But Mike was...</p><p>Dean's hand in his snapped him back to being Cas, and the happy go lucky teen put a second bolt on the cage. He stayed in his bright bubble of Dean-ness. He was safe in the bubble, safe as Cas.</p><p>And as long as Castiel's cage stayed locked, Dean would be safe and happy. And the sun would shine, because he had his Dean.</p>
<hr/><p>Cas woke up the next morning, feeling better than yesterday, and knew that the cage had held through the night. He felt a rattle of the bars on Castiel's cage, but the darkness wouldn't escape today. Today, he was Dean's spunky little Cas, and all was right in the world.</p><p>Dean's green eyes in the morning were the most beautiful thing Cas knew, and on that bright Wednesday they were full of love and affection. Cas wanted to bottle the look, and take it like a tonic. </p><p>"Cas, you're so beautiful in the morning. You're always so perfectly adorable." Dean pressed a kiss to Cas' lips, and he got out of their bed, beginning the day. "I love you, baby. I'll meet you in the kitchen when you're ready."</p><p>"I love you too, honey." Cas smiled, and stretched in bed, working up the courage to leave the warm nest of blankets.</p><p>The cage rattled, but Cas ignored it. He would keep ignoring it until it disappeared, and Castiel was gone.</p><p>There was no possible way it could be different.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Whew! </p><p>That was a lot darker than I thought it would be.... It gets better, I promise!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Are You Alright, Cas?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey. </p><p>Just wanted to get something out before I have to start dealing with real life again.</p><p>Long story short, I am moving, so I'm not going to be able to post as often as I like for the next few weeks/months.</p><p>Hope to return to every other day by at the latest, August.</p><p>I have about all of this plot written, until the end of the series, it just needs fine tuning, and I'll try my best to get you a new chapter at least every other week.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dean stared at the small piece of plastic, frowning at the way his hair cut looked, until Cas pulled out his own driver's license, and showed him the dorky picture. Dean murmured to his boyfriend, "You. Are. Adorable." Dean punctuated each word with a kiss to his cheek.</p><p>Cas' smile didn't quite make it to his eyes, though, and Dean felt a niggling worry in the back of his mind. Cas was always going to be with him, right? They were madly in love, or so he thought...</p><p>Cas kissed his temple, and looked into his eyes, his loving gaze reassuring Dean's completely irrational fear. "I love you, Dean..."</p><p>"I love you too, Cas."</p><p>He'd probably just imagined that Cas looked like he was in pain when he said that. He might be letting his mind play tricks on him, when he thought of how Cas was laughing a little too loudly these days, and smiling a little too widely.</p><p>Was something wrong with his boyfriend?</p>
<hr/><p>Dean was <em>burning.</em> Cas held him tighter, nuzzling his face into the soft hair at the base of his skull. "Dean, you're going to be okay. Just a bug." Cas had to keep telling himself that, as Dean leaned over the edge of the bed to throw up into the waiting bucket.</p><p>Castiel kept up the rattling of his cage, mangling the only protection Cas had from the old him. Dean kicked off the blankets, twisting out of his arms, too hot to be held. </p><p>"Baby, I love you, so much. Don't ever leave me... Please..." Dean's feverish eyes pleaded with his boyfriend, begged for a sense of security. Dean had no idea how much Cas  was hurting, keeping his true self locked away, but he wouldn't trade Dean's happiness and stability for the world.</p><p>Cas kissed his boyfriend's sweaty forehead. "I will never leave you, Dean. It would break my soul."</p><p>It was the truth. Without Dean, he was an empty vessel. Without the love he had for this fragile man, Cas might as well jump into a well, for all the happiness he would feel.</p><p>He probably would be loving Dean until he died. That is, if Castiel doesn't escape, and show his boyfriend how he really is inside and scare Dean away.</p><p>Cas stayed up until he was absolutely certain that the twenty four hour bug Dean had caught had officially passed, then curled up against his still warm body.</p><p>Dean could be the best thing that ever happened to Cas, or he might be the cause of his mental break down. Cas prayed for the former, because he couldn't find the strength to handle the latter.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Homework and Light Angst</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey!</p><p>I'm back, had to figure out a lot of stuff, but it's all settled now.</p><p>Hope you like the chapter, this one leads up to the main conflict in this part of the series.</p><p>P. S. The next part is going to be a bit fluffier, because writing Cas so broken... Unsurprisingly, not a fun time.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dean struggled his way though yet another bogus calculus assignment, wondering - not for the first time - why the actual fuck people thought he was smart. He couldn't even get the numbers on the page to make any sense. It didn't help that the teacher barely explained any of this shit, just gave them the pages in their book, and expected it to make perfect sense.</p><p>Why is this class even necessary?</p><p>Cas' knee brushed his underneath the table, and Dean took a deep breath, centering himself before the stress caused another panic attack. Back to it, then.</p><p>Sammy had a cutesy fall dance tonight, which Bobby had decided to chaperone, leaving the teens to complete their mass of homework at the kitchen table. Dean was glad Sam couldn't see him struggling. After ten minutes of doing logarithms, Dean put down his pencil, and rested his head in his hands.</p><p>He sucked.</p><p>Cas gently untangled his hands from his hair, and Dean looked up into his boyfriend's warm blue eyes. Cas smiled, and Dean felt an answering smile spread across his face. Cas was always right. He could do this.</p><p>"I love you, baby," Dean murmured, as he finished the problem. As soon as he figured out the shortcuts, he realized it wasn't all that hard.</p><p>Cas was working on his intro to psych class, his tounge moving around the stud in his lip as he thought. He had an adorable little crinkle between his eyes, as Dean watched him.</p><p>"Honey, I promise I will be there for you. Always." Cas didn't look up from his paper, but Dean saw how he was trying to convince himself of that. </p><p>"And I'll always be here for you, Cas. Whenever you need me, I'm ready."</p><p>These small comments Cas was starting to make more frequently troubled Dean, it seemed like his boyfriend was having second thoughts about their relationship.</p><p>That was stupid. Dean knew that Cas loved him more than anything, he said so all the time. But it still made him pause, whenever he would tell him these things, seemingly to reassure Dean, but really it was Cas trying to reassure himself.</p><p>"Castiel, you know you can count on me, right?" Dean wanted to fix whatever was making him doubt what they had. Dean would never - <em>could</em> never - leave his wonderful Cas, no matter how hard it was. </p><p>He caught the slight flinch, and miniscule retreat, his fears confirmed in the small movements.</p><p>"Yeah, Dean. I know I can count on you. I'm fine, though. Perfectly fine." Cas looked up with clear eyes, not showing any trace of deceit.</p><p>Which made it worse for Dean.</p><p>He started to wonder if this was real, or if he was just looking for something broken in his boyfriend, because for once,  he wanted to be the one to comfort Castiel, and hold <em>him.</em> Dean felt like he was burdening him with his shit, he wanted to simply have a give and take in their relationship, rather than Cas picking up the pieces from another breakdown.</p><p>Ellen was helping Dean with his panic attacks, and it was slowly getting better, coming two or three times a week, instead of every day. Dean wasn't going to snap if Castiel simply had a bad day...</p><p>How on Earth could he convince him of that, though?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. I'm so sorry..... Don't apologise.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Or the chapter in which Cas finally lets Castiel out, and Dean kisses it better.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Trigger warnings:</p><p>Mentions of homelessness, self harm, self hatred, and suicidal ideation.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cas stepped into the lukewarm water, feeling like nothing would wash away his almost countless sins. He'd never spared these thoughts a second glance when he was alone on the streets, hardly stopped to think about what he was doing as he simply tried to keep himself alive... Like when he stole a dead guy's coat in winter, he only thought of the coming warmth. When he picked leftovers out of the restaurant's dumpster, he only thought of the hunger clawing at his belly...  When he...</p><p>Castiel scrubbed his scarred and tattooed body, turning the water to all the way hot, trying to peel off the memories that clung to him like a second skin.</p><p>Dean would never love him if he knew. If Dean saw what Castiel had done, Dean would run as far away as he could. There was no way he could truly love him if he knew.</p><p>Castiel braced himself against the tiled wall of the shower, his tears getting lost in the deluge of burning water. </p><p>Still wasn't as hot as the flames Chuck had thrown him into when he was only five. Still wasn't as painful as a razor slicing his skin.</p><p>Still wouldn't get him clean.</p><p>Castiel sobbed, broken beyond belief. He wished to whatever was listening that, as his feet slipped out from under him and he collapsed on the shower floor... <em>Someone, please, somebody tell Mike I'm  so sorry</em>. Castiel was sorry that he had stolen ten years of his older brother's life, today was the anniversary of his greatest mistake. And Castiel would have stolen another five before it was over. Simply because he couldn't find the words to tell social services what happened.</p><p>It was all his fault. He knew that like he knew his name. If only he had <em>said </em>something.</p><p>Castiel curled into a ball, reaching out to turn off the now freezing water, though he deserved the sting of the icy stream. His body ached from how hard he'd connected with the porcelain tub. He deserved that, too.</p><p>"Cas? Cas, honey, answer me!"</p><p>Dean. His Dean. A love he was completely unworthy of.</p><p>He just wanted this pain to end...</p>
<hr/><p>Dean opened the bathroom door tentatively, hearing his sweet boyfriend's sobs, and terror gripped his heart. What had happened? He knew Cas had a rough day and all, but he never cried like this over a simple comment.... Dean gritted his teeth and fought away the rising panic attack through sheer force of will. Castiel Novak, the sweetest guy in the world was on the other side of the door, needing him. He could do this.</p><p>Steam clouded the mirror, condensation lay like a blanket over every surface in the small bathroom, and the noise of Cas falling apart was ripping Dean's heart to shreds. Dean grabbed the softest, fluffiest towel in the cupboard, and held it up, as he pulled back the curtain.</p><p>Dean felt the ripping in his soul intensify, as he saw the still slightly angry looking scars covering a huge portion of his boyfriend's skin, barely obscured by the black angel wings covering Cas' back. They looked like burns.</p><p>Gently covering the shaking teen, Dean perched on the edge of the tub, rubbing Cas' back as he quietly made soothing noises. Castiel looked up at last, puffy, red rimmed eyes distant. Dean brushed his dripping black hair out of the way so he could press a tender kiss to his boyfriend's forehead. "Baby, I love you," Dean whispered against the damp skin. "I will never leave you. Not even if I die. I'll haunt you like Casper."</p><p>Cas' face crumpled in pain, as he whispered, "But... I let them take Mike away. Ten years ago, I couldn't save him." The younger teen sighed, tenderly stroking his face with a sad smile.</p><p>"'S'not your fault, angel. You were six." Dean pressed his lips to Castiel's, more than a peck, but not pushing it past a gentle reassurance. Cas didn't need to be guilty for what had happened all of those years ago. He deserved happiness, and love, and everything Dean could give.</p><p>"Come on, baby, let's get to bed." Dean helped Castiel to his feet, wrapping the towel around his boyfriend's skinny hips and avoiding looking in his eyes. He didn't want to see the pain yet. </p><p>Right now, right now he needed to get him comfortable, and then he would ask. Make sure Cas knew that he was really the most important person in Dean's life, and then he could coax out the story. Dean had never seen Cas without a shirt, never seen the puckered scars. He could only imagine the pain that Cas must have gone through receiving them.</p><p>Cas let him help him into a pair of Dean's sweatpants, and a soft tee, without a word. He just climbed onto Dean's side of the bed, and buried his face into the pillow, curling into a tight fetal position.</p><p>The blond boy traced soothing patterns on Cas' bony back, tracing the bones laid over with considerable muscle, hidden behind Cas' slim frame. Castiel wasn't a weakling, Dean knew, but it was different feeling the inherent strength in his boyfriend's round shoulders.</p><p>If only Castiel's muscles could be useful in fighting the demons of his mind.</p><p>"Please don't leave me, Dean."</p><p>The hoarse whisper caught him completely off guard. Why would he leave? Dean never got scared when he had to protect someone he loved. He'd taken John's abuse for a year, because he would never abandon Sammy. If Cas thought just because he had a break down Dean would leave, he didn't know him at all.</p><p>Dean got into Castiel's side of the bed, and curled around his boyfriend's back, letting Cas settle into the curve of his body. He pressed a soft kiss to the short curls on the nape of Castiel's neck. "I will <em>never</em> leave you. I promise, baby, the only way to get rid of me is death." Dean kissed his boyfriend's hair, and rested his hand over his heart, feeling the steady beat that he hoped was for him.</p><p>Dean didn't love Cas any less now that he was just as broken, maybe even a little more so. Dean only felt a sense of relief, knowing that Cas needed him just as much as he needed Castiel. They were going to get better, he knew. Castiel Novak would be fixed.</p><p>As Dean fell asleep, the last thing on his mind was that he wasn't going to let his boyfriend put on his mask anymore. Cas would get better, Dean would see to it that he would always be there when this happened again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The Profound Bond Remains Strong</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Castiel finally confides in Dean, getting the reaction he'd never thought he would, but was nonetheless overjoyed to receive.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I know I'm going to get a lot of crap for the sex bit, but just because Dean and Cas  are asexual, it doesn't mean that they would never want it with each other.</p><p>Trust me, I'm hella ace.</p><p>It's a spectrum.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dean didn't know what to do, when he woke up in the morning, Castiel sound asleep on his chest. It was a little terrifying, knowing that Cas needed to explain the breakdown of the night before. Even though he knew it was necessary, he feared that it might be like pouring salt into a wound. Castiel Novak was tragically broken, but Dean was determined that he was going to help him get better, no matter what. He was Cas' soulmate, he could do this.</p><hr/><p>Cas stirred, stretching and yawning, before the memories came rushing back to him. He pulled out of Dean's arms, and sat on the edge of the bed, his arms around him. He couldn't believe that he had lost it like that. And that Dean had been the one to find him.</p><p>He'd fucked it all up.</p><p>He'd probably be kicked to the curb now, tossed aside like the garbage he was. It was all too much to think about.</p><p>"Baby?"</p><p>Castiel flinched, hearing Dean's voice so full of concern. He wasn't worth the love.</p><p>"Castiel, angel, talk to me?" Dean's hands cautiously found their way into Cas' hair. "I love you. I'll always love you. No matter how broken you are. Baby, I'm broken, too..."</p><p>Castiel let the tears fall, his whole body shaking as Dean pulled him to his chest. They lay spooned together on the bed, and the dark haired teen was grateful for the fact he wouldn't have to look into Dean's emerald eyes for this. "I was supposed to fix you. It was never supposed to be like this." </p><p>Dean pressed a kiss to his shoulder, murmuring, "It's alright, angel, I'm strong enough."</p><p>"I remember telling you how I failed my brother, but there's a lot more.</p><p>"When I was five, Chuck... He tried to kill me. That's how I got the white patch. Trauma." Castiel tried to keep his distance from the memories, and Dean's reassuring arms holding him close were undoubtedly needed. "He threw me into the lit fireplace, after coming back from the bar. Mike pulled me out and when the hospital released me, he took me away."</p><p>Dean kissed him again, pulling him closer into the curve of his body. Cas drew in another shuddering breath, and swallowed the lump in his throat.</p><p>"Mikey and I lived in a dumpy motel for six months, when I was able to move about, Michael got a job flipping burgers. I had a table next to the kitchen, and colored the placemats. It was not perfect, but we were safe...</p><p>"Then Chuck and social services found us. I hadn't said much besides please, and thanks. Mike said he had to go away for a while, and I told him 'Love you, Mikey.'"</p><p>Castiel turned in Dean's arms, tears flowing from his eyes. "That was how my innocent brother got convicted of kidnapping. Because I was selectively mute."</p><p>Dean didn't look disgusted with him. Not even as he listened to the horrors Castiel went through on the streets. He didn't pull away when Castiel told him how he died once on a freezing December night.</p><p>"I... It was so cold... I fell asleep in the snow, and I saw my mom. She said I needed to wake up, because my life wasn't over yet. The hospital was afraid I would have brain damage because I was technically dead for half an hour.</p><p>"Jody took me here, and she'd already arranged for Bobby to be my guardian. I have a feeling that he volunteered."</p><p>"I think it's more than likely. Baby, I love you." Dean had the nerve to smile and kiss him gently as Cas tried to understand what he had done to deserve this perfect creature. </p><p>"Dean... I love you too." Cas sniffled, tangling their legs beneath the covers and his hands in Dean's hair. "And I will never stop. You complete me in a way no one else can. If it's not too much of a chick flick moment I would call you my soulmate."</p><p>"When I think of how much I love you, Cas... Even soulmates isn't deep enough. There's this... <em>profound bond</em> we have, and I don't see it ever leaving."</p><p>Cas kissed Dean like it was the first time and also the last. He kissed Dean like it was the air he needed to breathe. Dean's hands roamed Castiel's torso, his lips trailing across Cas' jaw, and he hooked his legs around the other teen's, rolling so that Cas was under him. As they broke for air, Castiel was alarmed to find he was getting hard.</p><p>"Dean..." </p><p>Dean's own hardness was pressing into Castiel's thigh, and a mirror image of fear was on his face. "Cas, umm, I think I want you. I... I..."</p><p>Castiel closed his eyes, experimentally rolling his hips against Dean, and it wasn't horrible. Wasn't particularly earth shattering either, but it gave him a little relief. "Mmm... Dean-" Cas groaned, as his boyfriend tried it. This wasn't like what the men would pay for, because he loved Dean. </p><p>A few minutes later, a peculiar feeling built behind his navel, and just as Dean collapsed on top of him, he came. It was new, but not something that he would want 24/7. He kind of liked the noises Dean made, how he looked so happy now.</p><p>"Cas, I liked that. I liked when you said my name. Did... Did you feel good?"</p><p>Castiel chuckled weakly, somehow exhausted. "Yeah, Dean."</p><p>"It's not like I'd want it all the time, but I dunno, maybe if we get hard again sometime..." Dean smiled and then shifted, wrinkling his nose. "Maybe without pants, though."</p><p>"Yeah. I like making you feel like that. But... I don't want you inside me. Or the other way around. That's too much right now." Cas climbed out of the bed, and he groaned as he peeled off his soiled pants. How the hell do you get come out of fabric?</p><hr/><p>"But if we have sex, are we still ace?" Dean picked up a towel off of the hook on their door, just as Castiel wrapped the one from last night around his waist. "I... I still don't really want sex... But I liked what we did..." It shouldn't bother him, not having a concrete label. Didn't change the fact that it did.</p><p>"Who gives a damn. Really, it's nobody's business what we do. I still identify as asexual." Cas always knew what to say, and Dean gave him a soft smile, as they both unconsciously decided to shower together.</p><p>After the thing they just did, it didn't bother Dean, Castiel seeing him naked. He felt a new closeness to him, and even went as far as letting Cas wash his back. As they stood under the stream of water, Cas wrapped his arms around Dean, pressing their foreheads together.</p><p>Dean smiled. Everything was going to be fine with Castiel, he knew. But whenever this came back, <em>if</em> it came back, he wouldn't just worry in silence, he'd speak up. It might never happen, and he was hoping that Cas would continue to open up, because he couldn't find it in himself to see Cas crumpled on the ground again. He never wanted to see his love in that much pain ever again.</p><p>He knew it was a good sign that the first thing Castiel did when they finally came downstairs was call his older brother. Bobby gave him a searching look, he obviously had seen the impending disaster, and Dean shrugged.</p><p>He couldn't explain it, but Cas kept improving over the next few weeks, even getting to know Charlie and Jo, the only other LGBT couple in the highschool. Dean had befriended the freshman girls while in study hall. Cas was able to really get into Charlie's book suggestions, while at the same time encouraging Jo to study French. They were becoming like the sisters Dean never thought he wanted.</p><p>And they were happy, not even the bullying could take it away</p><p>They deserved the joy, dammit.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey, ending this one a little early, but stay tuned for the Christmas special, Ninjabread and New Family!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Comments are always welcome, and constructive criticism even more so.</p><p>Happy Pride month!</p><p>The next one in the series is called Ninjabread and New Family.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>